As of today I am twenty weeks pregnant. Halfway to that hopeful due date looming far (very far, much too far) in the distance. With daily ondansetron doses I am able to keep the vomiting to only one or two days a week now. My weight loss seems to have stopped and hopefully I’ll soon start to gain a few pounds back (but not too much! Let’s not get carried away here!)
I’m actually feeling a bit conflicted about wanting this pregnancy to be over and done with. On one hand, I’m physically miserable. On the other hand, I’m going to have THREE CHILDREN under the age of five. That’s a tad overwhelming to think about. I mean, just logistically…yikes! Picture me at the grocery store: baby strapped to me in the carrier, toddler in the cart seat, and preschooler running wild and free. Lord help me.
On the bright side, at least I’m able to think through how to do that at this point. The plan I just wrote out actually is doable (ish). I remember when it was just Zoey. I was absolutely flabbergasted about how I was supposed to grocery shop with a baby. If she was asleep in the car seat, I didn’t want to wake her up by getting her out. If I put the car seat on top of the cart, EVERYONE in the universe told me what a horrible mother I was and how my baby was going to die from falling off the cart. If I put the car seat in the basket of the cart, well, there was no place for groceries. Ugh.
I look back now and shake my head, pitying the poor, overwhelmed, clueless new mom that I was, and also realizing I’m going to be feeling more than a tinge of that helplessness once again when this baby arrives. Now though, I don’t fear it. I dread some of the inevitable challenges, but I’m not afraid of them. I’ve been down this road of babyhood twice and I know how quickly it is behind you (unlike toddlerhood. Good god, will that ever end!?!?!)
So I’m halfway there. We still haven’t picked out names or a car seat to replace the expired one. We figure we’ll “get around to that. We have plenty of time.” Instead I’m just going to cope through the rest of this pregnancy, one day at a time, trying as hard as I can to find some enjoyment in it. After all, it is already halfway over.