Seasons: A Guest Post

Good Morning friends! Today’s post is one I’m really excited to share with you. It is written by my friend Christi, who has a beautiful daughter (whom she lovingly refers to as Squish) just a few months younger than Eleanor. Christi has the most beautiful way with words and a positively inspiring way of frequently remember to stop and honor all that is lovely and happy and good in life and motherhood. You know those people who you look forward to seeing pop up in your Facebook feed because they always have something positive or funny to say and it just makes your whole day better when you see it? Yeah, that’s Christi. So, without further ado, I give you this guest post by the very talented Mrs. Christi Payne:


There are four beautiful seasons in Utah; fall, spring, summer and winter. Each season has the two counterparts, times when you’re absolutely overwhelmed by the magnificence of it all and times when you’re just overwhelmed. The summers get very hot and the winters get very cold and somewhere in between scraping the car with wet shoes and having a broken heater it’s easy to think, “I’m done with winter. I wish it was summer.” That’s the thing with the seasons; they are constantly changing and with each change there is new beauty and new challenges.

This is how I view motherhood except with one factor; you don’t get to go back next year and relive these lovely seasons, they’re gone. It’s like experiencing the magic of winter; the lights under the snow, the stillness, the silence, gloves, candles, visible breath, shivering, snowflakes and pink cheeks but you only get this once. That’s right, one magic season per child and then it’s done. On the sidelines you will have other mothers telling you how much you should dread the next season or how tired they are of the current season. You should ignore them. They’re missing it. They aren’t seeing the beauty of the ice crystalizing over the water in freezing temperatures. They aren’t seeing the sparkle.

I’ll never look down to see my sweet Squish meeting my gaze, smiling and breastfeeding. I will never see her face after she walks for the first time, so proud and clapping. I will never ever see that again. Those times have passed and I’ll look upon them with such beauty I don’t think I’ll ever experience anything more sacred than those moments.

 We are in a new season now, toddlerhood! It comes with all of the unfairness of them being mobile, verbal and completely unreasonable. We’ve dubbed the most recent meltdown at Target a “squishmare.” It’s like a nightmare, only you’re awake, your toddler is screaming and everyone that can sees you swears they’ll never have a toddler like that (or ever). But I LOVE it. Walking out of the store thinking, “how would it feel to want something this bad?” It’s just incredible.

This is what I missed the first six months of her life; I was just waiting for the next season, the change, the BIG milestone that had to happen. I was too busy recovering from an emergency c-section, counting wet diapers, pumping, counting feeds, making doctors’ appointments, checking weights, checking temps that I missed it. I missed all the magic of her first few months. I have no memory of me sitting with her and smelling her little newborn feet or feeling her warm face on my chest. None. My chances to have those feeling and memories are zero. Gone, just like that, I missed the astonishment of my newborn season. Somewhere in between being a new mom and being fatigued I forgot to be amazed at the miracle of this little life. I was too focused on the hard, the other side. I messed up and that’s the piece of advice I would give all new mommies; don’t miss the magic. Once you find it, it’s absolutely enchanting, addicting and life changing. 

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