I have baby hair. Ridiculous baby hair.

Everyone knows that pregnancy gives women that gorgeous thick, long, healthy hair that adds to the “pregnancy glow” (which is nature’s mechanism for preventing everyone from seeing exactly how exhausted, hungry, nauseous and uncomfortable you are). Then – as all moms know – about the time baby is three or four months old there is a big old hormone shift that makes all that lovely hair fall out. En masse. Enough to make you think there is possibly a dead rodent in your shower before you realize, nope, that’s just my hair.

So I hit both of those stages months ago. (Obviously). I have now moved on to stage 3: the little known and even lesser talked about stage of “baby hair-ness.” (Great, now I’m just making up words). Anyway, this is when new hair starts to grow in to replace the hair that fell out. Also known as: short fluffy untamable hair all along the hairline. You guys, my forehead is fuzzy. I look like I have sideburns. My neck looks downright hairy!! Oh. My. God. And there is nothing I can do about it but wait for it to grow longer. At a glacial pace. GAAAAHHHHH!!!

Seriously, it’s almost enough to make a girl want to get pregnant again just to make the hair grow faster. Almost. But not quite. Because, yes, I do see how that would only be a temporary solution and perpetuating a vicious circle. And it is vicious.

Maybe I’ll just shave my head.